I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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