Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
