pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
