a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
