He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
