I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
