Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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