i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
