you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
