4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
