I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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