I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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