u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He? As in you personified your dick?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
