I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
