and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
