I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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