Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and she was petting her beer can
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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