is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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