Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
