so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize