Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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