How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
