apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize