dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
