I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
