So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
