were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize