i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
