my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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