you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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