My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
