What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize