I want to make a zoo with you.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
