If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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