we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
