I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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