I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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