I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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