I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
