I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
