Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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