Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
