my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
