So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize