I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
