a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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