Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize