I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
