period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
