i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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