Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
