My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry ð¬
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
when your dumb AF ex âaccidentallyâ venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... âsorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
