That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
