thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
