OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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