I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The air was thick with penises
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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