My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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