I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
