So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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