Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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