Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
