dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
