Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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