I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you would pick up someone in the library
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
