There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
