beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
