Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
