When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
