Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
